Let me give you a sampling. Here are some of the ones I’ve gotten in the last month:

• Paris Hilton Excited to Have French City Named After Her
• Old man dies inside Paris Hilton
• Britney Spears Leaves Earth, Humanity Breathes Sigh of Relief
• Paris Hilton Loses Vagina - Blames Dr Phil
• Paris Hilton dogs Paris Hilton with lawsuit
• Paris Hilton crowned ‘Miss Vagina 2008′
• Britney Spears Gives Foreskin Museum Amazing Gift
• Epidemic Breaks Out in Prisons After Paris Hilton’s Release
• Britney Spears Recording New Album - Forgotten How To Sing
• Paris Hilton violated by Gypsies
• Britney Spears Plans To Auctions Off Her Children On EBay
• George Bush Recruits Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for Iraq “Beaver Patrol”
• I Liked The Part When The French Got Their Asses Busted - G.W. Bush
• Lindsay Lohan Starts Celebrity Movement Against DUI Laws
• Britney Spears And Paris Hilton Beat Lindsay Lohan Within Inch Of Life
• Paris Hilton: The Day I Found Out Gary Glitter Is My Dad
• Paris Hilton Leaves Michael Jackson for Editor of an Internet Spoof Rag!
• Spears and Hilton combine with Sex “to make eye-catching headline”
• John McCain To Paris Hilton: “Cosmo, bayatch!”
• Paris Hilton gets a third breast implant. Taunts Lohan & Spears to do the same!
• Britney Spears Admits “My Vagina Made Me Shave My Head Bald”
• Britney Spears the New Face of Wal-Mart
• Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in Lesbian Prison Romp
• Britney Spears Not Bipolar - New World Order Conspiracy Afoot
• Al Gore, Britney Spears in Dukes of Hazzard II
• Heidi Klum spices up her marriage to Seal by proposing a hot menage a trios with Britney
• Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey Circus Announces Britney Spears to Perform Dangerous Act
• Lindsey lohan trains sheep to tapdance for new TV show
• Lindsay Lohan Narrows College Choices to Harvard or Rochville
• Hilton, Lohan, Spears Apologize, Retire
• Paris Hilton Arrested; Millions Prepare Stupid, Predictable Jokes
• Inspired by Fake Steve Jobs, Fake Paris Hilton Makes Big Announcement
• Paris Hilton and Pope Benedict expecting a baby
• Paris Hilton, Released from Jail, Vows to Do Good, Now Works for Ron Paul Revolution
• Britney still has great hangers. Watch.
• Paris Hilton’s Prison Sweat to be Sold on e-Bay
• Paris Hilton Becomes Mormon — Marries Paparazzi
• Letterman to Interview Paris Hilton’s Vagina
• Paris Hilton goes down on New England Patriots
• McCain Chooses Paris Hilton to be Running Mate
• Lindsay Lohan Wants Harry Potter Role, Nude Photos Back

And then let’s not forget the MSNBC breaking news spam, apparently from the same source. Also all from within the last month:

• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Britney Spears And Michael Jackson To Write Parenting Book
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Paris Hilton Lectures On Dickens And Dostoevsky
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Unemployed To Be Used For Soup
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: [video] Mccain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Home Office To Deport Anyone With Iq Below 100
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Spongebob Denies Reports That Hes Gay
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Daily Stir: London Mayor Gets Nipple Caught In Ringer
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Michael Jackson is hermaphrodite. Watch the video.
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: [audio] Church Group Offers Homosexual New Life In Closet
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Abortion made illegal in New York
• msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Police Raid Donut City

Wow. Now, the spam message itself isn’t nearly as interesting as the subject lines. It just tries to get you to click a link to view a video, which takes you to a web page that tries to get you to download and run a Windows executable from the site, claiming you need it to view the video. If you’re stupid enough to do that, the spammer’s program (the one I looked at was called video_8.exe) will copy itself to c:\windows\system32\CbEvtSvc.exe and set itself up as a service. Fun. Who knows what happens next, it probably runs up your credit cards, buys houses in Hawaii for the spammer, and then eats your cats.

But those are still some funny subject lines.

That was quick. It’s rating is a 9.7 out of 10. That’s unheard of on IMDB. What’s now listed as the second best movie of all time, The Godfather, has a rating of 9.2.

It’s a good month all around for best movies ever, since WALL-E is ranked as the 22nd best movie of all time with an 8.8 rating.

Now, I’m guessing that The Dark Knight’s rating will fall somewhat over time. But I thought that two days ago when it has a 9.2 rating, and I was wrong, it’s only gone up from there. So, for now, the users of IMDB consider it the best movie of all time.

It’s not often that the best movie in motion picture history opens for public viewing, so you may want to take advantage of this historic event and see it. If you can, it looks like everyone is already getting out to see it. It set an all-time opening day record of $66 million already, beating Spider-man 3’s old record. People are estimating it’ll make around $158 million this weekend, also setting a new weekend record (and once again beating Spider-man 3, which I think everyone agrees was a much worse picture than The Dark Knight.)

Not much content here, but I just wanted to make sure people knew that history was being made this weekend. The best movie of all time, people!

So, aside from the obvious Photoshop issues (the runner is just floating above the track without casting a shadow, the guy is gigantic compared to the size of the track, half-assed masking, the light source on the track is coming from the other direction than the light source hitting the runner), it gets even better if you take a closer look: the runner is getting ready to run away from the finish line.

Yes, Microsoft’s promotional graphic for Vista shows a runner running away from the finish line, which is presumably where Vista is. If that’s not a strong indication that you should get away from Vista as fast as you can, I don’t know what is.

By the way, shouldn’t Microsoft be supporting their own image editor, Microsoft Expression Design (previously known as Acrylic), and using it to design their unbelievably crappy graphics on their site? Apparently not, since the EXIF data says it was made with Adobe Photoshop CS3 (it would have been especially funny if it was the Mac version, but it’s not.)

So while I was admiring that, I decided to check out Microsoft’s case for Vista. They explain why it’s slower than XP:

Behind the scenes, Windows Vista is doing a lot more on your behalf than Windows XP does. It’s indexing your files so you can find them fast, keeping your hard drive organized, saving your work so nothing gets lost, and defending your computer against hackers and phishers.

Didn’t most users just leave file indexing on in XP, so that’s no different? Saving your work should be up to the application, not the operating system. Giving you a firewall shouldn’t slow down your computer, and phishing protection is in IE7, which isn’t part of the operating system and shouldn’t affect anything but IE7.

Microsoft also has a “Top 10 things you can do with Windows Vista” page. I wonder if there’s anything on there that you can’t do with XP; let’s take a look at each one:

1. Find that file in a few quick clicks. It sounds like this is faster access to search, since it’s still searching the same things as XP. And I don’t see how clicking the Start menu and typing is any faster than hitting Windows-F and typing. So nothing new there.
2. See everything you have open at a glance. This is Vista’s new Alt-Tab thingy to try to make it prettier. Does it matter? Did anyone hit Alt-Tab and then not know what each application icon was for? Do you really need to spend the processing time to show an image of each window? But at any rate, the taskbar and the alt-tab display in XP certainly let you see everything you had open at a glance, so nothing new.
3. Keep photos organized—and ready to share. I guess there’s more image management built in. I would think most people with enough pictures to care already use an image management program. I know I do, so this is something I already do on XP. I can’t imagine that Vista’s built-in organizer is as good as Picasa, just to compare it with free alternatives.
4. Create a custom movie without a fine arts degree. Like all those people who’ve been editing video on XP without a problem?
5. Keep track of your music—and play it anywhere. This seems to be promoting new features of Windows Media Player 11, which I would assume you could just download for XP if you really cared (e.g., if you weren’t already using a better audio player application.)
6. Surf multiple waves of the web at once. Oh God, horrible 90’s “web surfing” puns. I thought we buried those along with all those pukey “information superhighway” jokes. But anyway, this is promoting tabbed browsing in Internet Explorer 7. Which works just fine under XP. And works just fine for everybody who doesn’t use IE, since we’ve had tabbed browsing under XP for years and years now. Welcome to 2000, Microsoft (the year that Opera added tabbed browsing, though it certainly wasn’t the first.) Or welcome to 2001, when I first started using it in Mozilla. But either way, that has nothing to do with Vista, no matter how hard Microsoft tries to link a random application and the operating system it runs on.
7. Record and watch TV on your time. Err, yeah, I do this just fine with my XP DVR right now. Why would I want to upgrade the processor in my DVR just to be able to run Vista, when it does everything I need right now?
8. Bring your TV and PC together—and take home entertainment to a new level. Like trillions of people already do (including myself?) “Tired of huddling around the PC for entertainment?” No, why would anybody do that? I can’t imagine how Vista makes it easier to connect your TV to a PC, since it’s such a simple thing.
9. Keep the things you need most at your fingertips. I guess I have to quote the whole thing for it to make sense:
   

   No need to open a web browser to check traffic and weather, open a calculator to add up a few numbers and open an application to see your calendar. Now you can put mini-applications called gadgets right on your desktop, where you can see and use them whenever the mood strikes. Just use the Windows Sidebar pane to store and organize your favorite gadgets.

   So, instead of opening a calculator to do math, you can — umm — open a calculator. But now you’re doing it from something that takes up desktop real estate at all times, instead of something hidden away in the start menu! So much better! Because they said so!

10. Help your kids stay safer. Yes, now you can restrict what web sites your kids can go to, just like you can in XP. Nifty!

Ok, sorry for the length of all that, but that’s what they get for listing 10 things that you can do in Vista that you can also do in pretty much any operating system. At least I didn’t go through their list of 100 things about Vista that will leave you speechless. That includes such gems as being able to join a domain, the fact that it comes with some games, the fact that you can set Windows Update to update automatically, and the fact that it has a help system.

And, oh my God, IE7 has built-in support for RSS feeds. Seriously? Again, welcome to so-many-years-ago-that-I’ve-lost-count. I guess that leaves me a little speechless, since I can’t believe IE hasn’t supported RSS feeds until now.

And so many are the same thing listed over and over in slightly different ways; it’s really just the top 10 list with much more repitition. Somebody really need to go through that top 100 list and figure out how many unique things there really are. I would seriously guess about 15 or 20. And, of course, none of them sound like anything impressive, so in the end, the only conclusion you can reach is:

Who gives a shit?

He uses a staffer’s Blackberry, according to the staffer, but apparently just as a small, newfangled phone:

I use the Blackberry, but I don’t e-mail, I’ve never felt the particular need to e-mail.

So the Blackberry is just for breakout and phone calls? No, wait, not breakout. Your reflexes slow down too much as you age. The blackberry is like the phones he’s comfortable with, and he just tries to ignore the fact that there are no wires, and you don’t have to ring the operator first and ask her to connect you to Pennsylvania 4-7812.

But don’t worry, America: it’s safe to vote for him, because he’s learning to use the Internet all by himself, and hopes to get there soon!

They go on for me. I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself.

You know that his staff would have made this as easy as freaking possible for him, without all of the pesky details that people in the real world have to deal with to get online, and yet he still hasn’t done it! Awesome. Let’s start raising the funds to retrofit Air Force One with an 8-track tape deck right now.

Now, he announced that before going to a commercial break, which just sounded like horrible news. Let’s look at the facts:

• Esther Ku was by far the least funny of the three performers, so everyone — the audience and the other comics — were expecting her to get voted off.
• God’s Pottery seemed to have a decent audience reaction, and the other comics were worried that they’d somehow win over the audience and make it through.
• Slightly less than half (I think it was 4 out of 9) of the other comics raised their hands when asked if they thought God’s Pottery would make it through, all with a sad look on their face as they contemplated living with those guys for another week.
• Iliza Shlesinger was clearly the funniest of the night. The comics backstage were impressed and said that she nailed it, and the audience seemed to like it a lot.

Ok, based on all of that, the “most surprising” vote possible would be that Esther would make it through and Eliza and God’s Pottery would go home. That would suck.

So, fast forward to the results, so we can see the most shocking vote ever. The result? Iliza wins, the other two go home. Ok, so the funniest comedian of the night (based on just watching them, and based on the other comics’ reactions) wins, and that’s the most surprising thing that’s ever happened on this show?

Maybe that makes sense considering how many funny people they didn’t let through to Vegas, and how many annoyingly unfunny people they did let through. Maybe the show is trying to filter out all the funniness so they can show us more boring calendar shoots? Why else did God’s Pottery and Papa CJ make it through? What about all the comedians who actually made people, you know, laugh?

I guess it goes along with picking that John Reep red, white, and blue joke as the funniest joke that’s ever been aired on the show. What the hell? That wasn’t even a joke, that was like a setup line for a joke that we didn’t get to hear. Why couldn’t they just pick an actual funny joke for the #1 spot, even if they’re contractually obligated not to pick a super-funny one, or if they were limited only to winners of past seasons, or something like that. Crazy random unfunniness.

I am a good ediot you bicthc stop making my edtis go atray you., beusde are you a girl or boy.? nyou sound like a girl who is from a fucking retarded pace who thinks God isn’t real. if so please explain why not. ho was we cretaed? you whore anyway

I think “ediot” is supposed to be “editor,” not “idiot,” despite all evidence to the contrary.

But I’m glad to see that the Religious Right is getting their act together. Out of the five sentences in that comment, only three of them have insults (as far as I can tell, obviously there’s a lot of guesswork involved in trying to figure out what that person was trying to write.)

The confusing thing is that IP address (84.70.40.90) only has one other edit besides this one, which is to add some sexually graphic vandalism to an article about Harry Potter. But still, well done religious people; you’re definitely moving up in the world.

And then he called all kinds of lesser fouls as long as they were outside of the box, preferably if they were against Spain. Crazy stuff. I guess the question should be, how much money did Herbet Fandel have riding on an Italy win that he would try to help them out so blatantly? Or did Italy pay him off? Italy’s club teams are certainly very familiar with match fixing, as recently as two years ago, right?

Fandel has a history of this as well. Found on Rate the Ref:

Fandel was awful tonight. I won’t say that he made mistakes — rather, he seemed to be either completely aloof of various calls or too harsh on others. Ironically enough, it appeared that he was blatantly favoring the Italians. I remember watching the Spain - N. Ireland qualifier, and much like in this match, he denied the Spaniards a clear penalty. That being said, whether or not the Italians had his ear, their strategy to allow him to call the match their way did not have the desired effect. Without a doubt this will be Fandel’s last match of the tournament, and it couldn’t be soon enough. He could very well have swung the outcome tonight. Poor performance.

Random Wikipedia vandalism on his page:

Fandel is a wanker and is the biggest twat waffle and worst reff in the euro 2008 cup

Twat waffle? What an awesome insult. Twat waffle. I can’t stop saying it.

He is a stunt-butt by occupation.

Stunt-butt isn’t bad, but it’s certainly no twat waffle.

This person has proof:

A SCUM BAG REFEREE, WHO WAS PAID OFF A NICE LUMP SUM OF MONEY FOR REFFING A GAME BETWEEN SPAIN AND ITALY IN EURO 2008….

PROOF AND HIS PERSONAL HOME INFORMATION AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST.

Yeah, I believe that. Why not just post your proof there in the article where it’ll be available for anyone to see?

He also took charge of the Spain v Italy quarter final in Vienna on 22 June 2008, making some of the worst calls in any football game ever.

Can’t argue with that.

His performance in that match was absolutely horrendous, letting the Italians get away with many discretions.

Or that, although I’m not sure that’s the right use of the word “discretions.”

referre was horrible.A parcial juzge.Is a corrupt referee. El puto gordo intento que España perdiera en el partido de cuartos con 3 penalty no pitados.

WTF? That’s not English.

Right now his page has this:

He was roundly critized by many observers for his failure to call some critical penalties against Italy in the game.

Which may or may not stand. I’m sure someone will at least add “citation needed” eventually, if not remove it outright. Maybe Herbert will get on his computer at home and clean it up himself. Maybe then he’ll edit Spain’s page to say how they should have lost the match, and it’s too bad that awesome referee didn’t call some fouls against Spain when they were shooting their penalty kicks, so that Italy could take their rightful place as winners.

Seriously, worst refereeing I’ve ever seen, ever. In the entire history of everything, ever. The end.

Good thing there’s the Wikipedia article, which attracts edits like these:

The film is receiving growing protest from the Society for People with an IQ Over Forty for it’s depection of what it claims is called “parody”. The society argues that most of these “parodies” are simply scene featuring famous film characters from the past year farting, getting hit by things, and being homosexual. In response to these protests, fans of the film were quoted as saying, “Hahahaha!!! Man from movie kicked in testicles!!! Me laugh!!! Me think is funny!!! Me keep paying to see series of pop culture references strung together and billed as ‘movie’!!!”.

Someone please kill me. No, the first screening of Disaster Movie will be the real disaster, because I’m going walk into the piece of shit movie theatre that plays it and kill myself in front of all of the dumb assholes who payed to have their minds raped by this garbage. This is MTV’s fault. Goddamned mind-fuck television. Don’t erase.

Oddly, that was still erased. Damn movie studio shills.

Audiences will find it necessary to gauge their own eyes out due to the shameless product placement and the jokes written by infant chimpanzees. It is expected to be a box office hit.

THIS MOVIE WILL FUCKING SUCK. THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THIS CRAP MUST QUIT AT LIFE RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING IDIOT TO THINK THAT THIS MOVIE WILL BE ANYTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE FUNNY. IF YOU WATCH ANY “MOVIE” THESE MORONS HAVE CREATED YOU WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD OBVIOUSLY RATHER PULL OUT A BUTTER KNIFE AND STAB HIM/HERSELF TO DEATH THAN WATCH ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THIS SERIES OF REPULSIVE MOVIES MORE THAN ONCE. I DON’T THINK THIS IS A FILM MADE TO ENTERTAIN PEOPLE. AT THIS POINT I AM FULLY CONVINCED THAT IT WILL BE A FILM THAT COULD ENDANGER THE LIVES OF HARDWORKING AMERICAN CITIZENS BY MAKING THEM WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES. MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL. BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN SAVE US FROM THIS BLASPHEMY.

Ok, that’s all the comments going back a few days. How do these movies keep making money? Who is the kind of person that would willingly pay money to watch one of these? How do those people manage to find their way to the movie theater without falling down a manhole along the way? Some things will remain mysteries forever, I guess…

I havent really done much wrong, and intend to edit productively from now on. If anything, my sole edit was constructive, as it was warning a twatish editor of their impending doom. In fact, I might even add that it was irresponsible of the editor who reverted my message to do so (without inserting it at the bottom of the talk page)

So, of course, we have to go and look at his sole edit and see how constructive it was and how unfairly he was treated by the editor who reverted his edit and the admin who blocked him:

15:35, 19 June 2008 (hist) (diff) User talk:Thatcher‎ (←​Replaced content with ‘IM GOING TO STAB YOU TO DEATH YOU CUNT’)

Ah, yes. It really doesn’t get more constructive than that. How can you keep people like that off of Wikipedia? That’s just going to doom the project. Doom, I tell you!

But today I got a phishing message evidently trying to get classmates.com login information. How weird is that? What are they going to do, steal my identity by sending messages to all my high school friends saying that I’ve moved to Nigeria or China or wherever they’re from?

Here’s the message, in case anyone’s interested:

Received: from 201-255-99-86.mrse.com.ar ([201.255.99.86])
by mx.google.com
Received-SPF: softfail (google.com: domain of transitioning reunion@classmates.com does not designate 201.255.99.86 as permitted sender) client-ip=201.255.99.86;
Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=softfail (google.com: domain of transitioning reunion@classmates.com does not designate 201.255.99.86 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=reunion@classmates.com
From: “Classmates member”
Subject: Do not miss the Classmates reunion

You’re Invited to Classmates’ Day!
Celebrate This Day Together; meet your classmates.
Join us for the Classmates’ Day Luncheon in honor of this special happening.
Meet classmates and friends. We hope you can come to our party this day!
Please, take a tour to see the video invitation we provide.

CONTINUE>> for more information

We look forward to seeing you there!

Copyright 1995-2008 Classmates Online, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The “CONTINUE” link points to fdhgrr.com, which doesn’t sound much like classmates.com. Imagine that. And the SPF check failed as well. Who’d have guessed.

I’m not really interested in going to their stupidly named domain to see what they’re trying to do. Maybe there’s a place to put in your credit card information to sign up for “Classmates’ Day.” Maybe they just want to send love notes to all the girls you had crushes on in high school. Maybe they’re just clueless spammers who don’t know what they’re doing.