Work

Work is stupid.

I am now accepting applications from people who are interested in paying me a permanent salary for me to stay at home, sleep in, and generally do what I want. In exchange for the salary you pay me, I will gladly call you up once or twice a month to let you know that all work is on track. If you want to fly me out to some interesting city to meet in person once in a while, I would accept that also.

But mostly, you’d be paying me to stay at home most of the time. This means less pollution for the planet as I wouldn’t be driving to the subway station every day. It means that I wouldn’t have to deal with mind-bogglingly incompetent and clueless coworkers any more, which means that I would be happier, and therefore the happiness of the planet would be elevated. This is a global planetary improvement that we’re talking about here.

If you’re interested in applying for the position of Fake Rake sponsorship (options available starting as low as $100,000 a year) please contact me. I am not a hard worker by any stretch of the imagination, but the job I’m applying for here can only be filled by a slacker such as myself.

I thank you for your money, and allowing me to leave this horrible place behind forever. I’m going to get a head start on quitting, these bridges aren’t going to burn themselves!