Exploring the AOL Search Logs, Part 5: Insanity

This is one that I’d found a little while back, but since this guy’s pretty evidently totally batshit crazy, I didn’t want to post it right after the depressing child abusing parent.

The guy I’m talking about is user 2281868 in the AOL search logs. He gets right into the crazy lane with his first search on March 1, how destroy demons that live in apt above. Well, ok, maybe he’s not crazy. Maybe he really does have demonds living in the apartment above him. I’ve seen enough episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to realize that that kind of thing happens once in a while.

Of course, his next searches explain why he thinks he has demons living in the apartment above his: is buddism satanism and is hip hop and rap music a form of satanism. Oh, and are niggers satan or demons or gremlins.

But they’re not just Buddhist African Americans that make them evil demons; they’re also spying on him with their x-ray vision! I knew that nothing good could come out of rap. See his searches from the next day, do niggers have x-ray vision and killing voyeur neighbors who are satanic cult mem. I’m going to be losing weeks worth of sleep wondering if that last word is supposed to be “men” or “members.” It will haunt my days and my nights not knowing the truth.

But then the next bunch of searches makes you wonder what the hell’s going on: is dying poor no life insurance no credit because of being born in rich. va. and not hainvg pale skin, and why are white people racist in all things. Makes you wonder why he hated black people so much a few days ago, when today he seems to be black himself.

Oh, and then he becomes a pervert: old russian nuns for sex. Maybe he isn’t worried about the demons living upstairs any more, or maybe he thinks that the nuns will be able to help him kill the demons (after they have sex with him, of course.)

After he tries to find the old Russian nuns for a few minutes, he gives up and tries for the next best thing: hillary clinton for sex, and hillary clinton nude pics. That doesn’t go well either, and eventually he has to settle for pale imitations of the real thing: old ladies who look like hillary clinton nude. Maybe he can just imagine that they’re also Russian nuns when he’s looking at their pictures.

On March 12th he becomes obsessed with bestiality, specifically men having sex with cows or horses. The next day he’s moved on from horses to horse-like humans (I guess that’s a step in the right direction, even if it is a freakishly troubling step): porno free photos of black gay teens with overbites and gays with overbites having sex.

From there he moves on to pedophilia, scatology, and black grannies for sex .com. I don’t know the name for that one, sorry.

Then some searches about jazz musicians and playing jazz. These are a little on the boring side, as none of the musicians he’s searching about have overbites or know anything about demon-hunting.

On March 23rd he tries to find out about people who’nt believe their eyes or ears why and tries to get AOL to explain why people disbelieve the obvious. Maybe he tried to convince someone else that he had voyeuristic demons with x-ray vision living upstairs and they didn’t believe him. Or maybe he was trying to explain why old Russian nuns who are gay black men with overbites are the sexiest people in the world, and also ran into difficulties convincing people of that obvious truth.

Then the jazz searches keep coming, with the occasional search for pedophilia pictures thrown in. On April 30th he wonders why do people belittle other people. Well, personally, I belittle other people when they’re raving mad psycho lunatics, like you are, Mr. 2281868. And Satan told me to, so there. Nyah!

A few searches about Greek porn, nazis, and fixing up his Windows 98 settings. Then he wants to find out about tuskegee university and people who have nightmares about it after attending it. I guess he wants to blame his crazy person dreams and nightmares on the school he went to rather than on his craziness. Good luck with that.

Next we have extermination of niggers in all boros of nyc. Since it sounds like he’s black himself, I guess he’s not searching to find out how to exterminate black people in New York City, but he’s trying to uncover the white man’s secret plot. Or maybe it’s the secret Hispanic plot, actually: latinos warring against american black and white.

But he should be fine, because now he knows all about extermination unemployment for blacks. Once the black people are exterminated, he’ll be able to collect unemployment since he can no longer be a black person. Or maybe he’ll help exterminate them, and then he’ll have to go on unemployment afterwards because there won’t be any more black people to exterminate? I don’t know, there are many possibilities, all of them funny and psychotic. Two great tastes that taste crazy together!

Then he has to deal with some bullies. Not regular bullies, adult bullies. how to stop bullies in nych polo grounds projects, adult bullies in projects stopped by cops, and what makes an adult bully tic. Good luck with that. Maybe if you were a little bit less insane, and kept your mental illness to yourself, you wouldn’t have these problems of people thinking bad thoughts behind your back, or seeing through your walls to spy on you.

I can just picture this guy calling up the cops to report his upstairs neighbors, the bullies. “Yes officer, they spy on me with their Negro x-ray vision, and then they have their Satanic Buddhist ceremonies that leave me unable to exterminate the black people in New York! You have to stop them!” Awesome.