How Can You Tell If a Phantasy Tour User Is Serious?

I’ve decided that figuring out if a user on the Phantasy Tour message board is genuinely an idiot or is acting like an idiot in order to troll people is just impossible. PT tends to give you users that write only slightly better than a Youtube commenter, so you should expect to see garbled English and general confusion.

But then this morning someone posted something that is just wrong in such unusual and creative ways, that you have to wonder if they’re really a trolling genius, instead of the moron that they appear to be.

Take PT user el_jefe (please.) He posted this morning saying that he had extra tickets to the Phish show at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley this August, and would be willing to gladly scalp them to the highest bidder.

if you want them there you’re’s: I only put in for those set of one greak theaters so if you got rejected from mail order this is you’re chance to score some tickets to greak theater that i got a hold on my credit card for.

Just post you’re email and you’re bid

no reserve

Well, if we want them, “there you’re’s”. That’s easily one of the more creative misuses of apostrophes I’ve ever seen. You’re’s? Really? Then we have him spelling Greek as “greak” twice, and using “you’re” instead of “your” three times (four if you include “you’re’s”.)

Ok, so that’s a lot of stupidity for a few sentences — not to mention the scalping bit. But let’s keep reading. Someone asked “bid?” He helpfully explained himself with this post:

by bid I mean price offer that your willing to pay

Wait. Four uses of “you’re” instead of “your”, and then typing “your” instead of “you’re”? Can that be anything but intentional? How do you apparently understand that they’re different words (unlike everyone on Youtube) and then somehow still consistently use the wrong one? Wow.

After a few offers such as face, spike, and 5 cases of Maxell XL-IIs, el_jefe realizes that he needs to weed out the jokers:

serious queeries only please

Queeries? Is he just incompetent at English, or is he trying to suggest that people who’d pay more than face for these tickets are queer?

I am completely dumbfounded. Is it a brilliant joke? Or is he some kind of illiterate Glenn Beck-listening moron? Only on Phantasy Tour could there be so much confusion over such a basic thing.